


A Police Officer and a Baker Walk Into a Bar...

by wyvern



Series: Summer Pornathon 2014 - Main challenges [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Puns, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:12:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2107677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/pseuds/wyvern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is of the opinion that sex really doesn't have to be taken super seriously all the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Police Officer and a Baker Walk Into a Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Summer Pornathon's Challenge Three: Trades and Professions.
> 
> Merlin belongs to Shine, BBC, history and whatever else. It's not me, that's for sure.
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful Jess, but unfortunately this fic has not been britpicked. If any errors remain, they're my own.
> 
> The title is slightly misleading. They're obviously not in a bar.

 

***

 

“Come on, use your huge baton properly! Hit me harder!”

Arthur groans and stills. His forehead is damp and Merlin reaches up and wipes it off with his fingers. Arthur’s arms on either side of Merlin’s head are shaking with the effort of holding himself up, and Merlin grins.

“Merlin...”

“Yes?”

“Please do not use bad euphemisms while we fuck.”

“What are you going to do about it?  _Arrest_ me?  _Cuff_ me around the head?”

Arthur’s face grows redder with every joke. It makes Merlin giggle. He runs a hand through the blond hair as some sort of an apology.

“Really, Arthur,” he says and wriggles a little, because he really, really needs Arthur to start moving again, “You did vow to serve the people, which is me, you know. So chop chop! Get to it!”

“I’ll fucking show you ‘serve’,” Arthur mumbles and withdraws only to roughly thrust back in.

It hits just the right spot and Merlin can’t help to let out a low moan.

“Enough for you, Merls?”

“No, please, officer... I won’t hold it against you if you do worse.”

“God, Merlin, I will get you back for this.”

“It’s fine. Just let me  _steal_ a kiss before you do.”

Arthur lets out a dry chuckle and goes back to fucking Merlin in earnest. It gets increasingly more difficult to think of euphemisms and jokes that fit when it feels _like your brains are being fucked out of your ears._

“Just shoot me!” Merlin gasps as he feels Arthur’s thrusts getting shorter and hears his breath hitching like it always does before he comes. Okay, so that one was a bit contrived, but...

“Merl–” Arthur begins, but ends with a loud groan as he  _does_ shoot his load in Merlin’s arse.

Breathing heavily, he pulls out and slumps down onto Merlin’s chest.

“Ouff! Er, Ar– Arthur, geroff! You’re fucking  _crushing_ me!”

It takes him a few moments, but eventually, Arthur does roll off and huffs.

“You’ve got only yourself to blame.”

Merlin reaches down and starts stroking his own cock. “Mm, how come?”

Arthur turns his head towards Merlin, but makes no effort to help get him off. “You’ve turned me into a pile of dough with all your stupid cakes.”

“Is this the revenge?” Merlin says and bites his lips as he can feel his orgasm building.

“I just want so squeeze those nice buns of yours, Merlin.”

“That is so bad. Put some fucking effort into it, Arthur.”

“Shut up. This is me trying to be funny after orgasm. That’s no cakewalk.”

Merlin groans and strips his cock faster. “Mine were much better!”

Arthur turns towards him with his entire body. He leans in and whispers into Merlin’s ear, “Come on, baker boy. I’m in the mood for some of your frosting.”

The sound that escapes Merlin’s mouth as he comes is a mix between a snort, a giggle and a moan. Merlin’s stomach gets all warm and sticky as he empties on it, but instead of getting up and cleaning himself off, he just closes his eyes and breathes for a few minutes to calm himself.

When he opens his eyes again, Arthur is slowly dragging a finger through the mess on his stomach and then licks it clean. He does it again and again, making obscene slurping sounds just be a tease. It somewhat successful, since Merlin really can’t tear his eyes off him before swallowing thickly and dragging him down for a rough kiss.

“So you don’t like the police jokes?” he says when they break apart.

Arthur smirks against his mouth. “Well, I guess it is better than solo ‘masterbaking’.”

 

***

THE END

***


End file.
